Wandering ramblings

Contemplate what motivates man

To live to die

to thrive to wither in the ennobling-degrading silence of peculiarity

A man walks down the street

choices led him there

he is there

alone

The pricks and prisms of everyday life drove him quietly to it

his choices led him there and there he stays

he will live and die on that obscure stage

body and soul, wandering

Wandering, whether this way or that

sometimes we think were headed somewhere

often we end up where we never thought we'd be.

Gems

Ironic, that the emerald could be packaged in such a way, that gleaming sparkling gem, dark and green, a cold capulation of summers fair bounties and yet is it not summer? It is not

Mysterious the sparks of steel and flint, the rough edges smoothed away, burned by fire, cut by steel, shined by a soft doe cloth until all is buffed, gleaming.

 The glint is alluring

Yet each gem lies in it's own deep chasm, which cannot be bridged.

Shift the Blame

On the edge of reason morally

Can't grasp hold of this reality

Inaction sends the spiral down

around

around

SEND JUSTIFICATION

Silence

All I can say is that it's ignorance

ignorance

and I didn't know what mattered

I couldn't grasp hold of it anyway.

What Life Gives You

It has to given me

and given

and given

Yet all I see is what I wish I had

and blast if it had only given what I had asked for

then

then I would have happiness, right?

Only then

I'm stubborn on this point, I'M MAD!! Life's so unfair...

Yet, I don't know what I want... I don't even remember what I was asking for

I've been drowning in the sea

the darkness and the depth so unfathomable

like the words to an aching soulful song

I've been resenting what I've been asked to do, I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE

No MORE

No MORE

No MORE

WAIT!!

What can I do?

What?

I see it, the light so faint and distant... what I want right? Yeah, I see it

Then it comes to me... I've been scared... AH scared

Blast!

That's it

I've gotta create who I'm going to be, and hold myself accountable for it...

Well, who else is going to do it?

Coal To Ashes

Coal to ashes, flame to darkened pitch,
burned embers left charred unattended in my heart.

You were to me the radiant sun,
you were to me life, bounty, hope

Together a spark became a flame leaping,
joyously higher, such pure radiant light.

Our hearts were bound together, a link,
forged steel in the brightest flame.

Fate though would not leave the link to be,

If I hold my silence you must understand
that a fool I was and a fool I am!

My heart, soul, sorrows,
poured into the minute details of the past,
folded in a letter which I gave, an explanation.

Bound from the beginning to another.

Foolish attraction, we mixed our souls together,
laughing,
fate tossed us about, evil fate.

For all that I loved you I was mocked,
each word that was spoken a simple fools repetition,
a broken record,

we cannot be together, fate has not decreed it to be so,

endless sighs and goodbyes till I gaged on the words,
sour words in my mouth, bitter lexicon,
gall encompassed until the collapse of everything,
this endless guilt, penance for the audacity of tempting fate.

Silence, silence I have held, silence reigns.

You once so beautiful,
angry now at our broken connection,
reverberating silence in the hollows of your heart.

You are still trying to grasp the reality,
of broken links, links not sanctioned by fate.

So am I, I still cannot truly explain why
all I know is that,

Dust we are,
to dust we shall return, dust,

Once a fire burned,
coal to ashes, flame to darkened pitch.

Almost a Thing

Never fought, no we never fight, fold our hearts up, tuck them in, avoidance.

What does it signify, the praying Mantis? It stabbed me with its claw

Weakness, or is it self preservation, a front?
Can you see the sharp claws hidden?

There is no reason,
it just happened to begin that way,
a shivering of fantasies up my spine and down again.

So sly, a glance between moments
eyes that linger, savor, caress

Pinpoint the attraction, I cannot
fill in the meaning between the lines,
is it there?

Brush against me, scent of sanity,
taste the sweetness upon my lips.

Insane

Flowing freedom of silence,
does it mean anything to you?

The darkness and the moon,
snuff out the meaning, an illusion.

Risk everything, upon the vision,
you, shimmering in the night.

Frustrations

I stand here at this crossroads and I can see so many ways to turn. In some ways I am bound, not because of physical chains but by limitations. If only I could somehow grasp everything that I need to do all at once, grasp and know it all and then rest, oh how I need to rest!

I'm on a cycle, study, stumble, walk a bit and then I fall down. How pathetic I feel sometimes... and yet that is not the entire story either, I'm determined... at least to keep going. Really, no one's going to be able to tell me how great I am, that's not what I want to hear. I want stare up at the stars at night and wonder, "what's out there?" When I am alone I want to be able to hear my own thoughts, be guided by the wisdom of the universe.

I want to feel new, excited and clean again!

I want to look at a beautiful painting and to say "I like that!" or not. To feel that life if mostly undiscovered and that I have time to discover it... yet I am trapped in the expediency of concentration, though I can't concentrate, and lamintation... though really, what is there to lament? Yet I do, and I wonder what next? If all I can do is wind around in circles trying to catch my tail than what good is all of this anyway?

Yet what else can I do? What else? Give up?

For the sake of all goodness, don't give me any advice... I already know that I can do it. I'm just tired...