Wandering

Organizing 

If only I could grasp 

Enough of what I need 

I'll no longer have 

An empty 

Hole 

Where something should have been 

I'm whole 

But 

I lay awake 

Thinking of 

How I somehow 

Walked the path

To a door 

And it's closed

Prophecy

I lay awake in contemplation 

Of roads traveled

Portents seen 

An ending 

and a vision 

Passion that still haunts my dreams 

So much longing 

So aware 

Your kiss, your touch 

Intoxicating 

I really wish I didn't care

It is over, never ended 

Never to be seen again 

Heartbreak that my soul attended

Left unspoken 

On the air

Brains!

My brain wasn't very nice to me today 

It reminded me of things I've said 

In previous conversations

It reminded me that I've gained inches 

And pounds

It rebelled against 

Concentration 

Overextended my schedule 

By agreeing to do things

It has no intention of following up on

My brain is capricious 

It hides behind a fug of morning inertia 

Low down devil 

I'm going back to sleep!

Manifestation

I find myself drawn to the not so likely outcomes.

Impossibilities made possible 

Through grit

Vision

The ability to push on

Past doubts

Discouragement 

From our own mind

Or others 

I believe in manifesting 

But cringe 

When the implication is that thought alone 

Creates the vision 

I see manifestation 

As a vision 

That creates an action 

That true manifestation 

Is the ability to believe 

In what you're capable of 

Eternal Girl

So late and my mind wanders

I recall the little girl

Inhabiting this body

Who weeped 

Throughout childhood 

Unable to understand, the others

Who struggled to answer 

For herself 

And saw books as portals 

Into other people's minds

I thought if I studied enough 

I could stop the relentless inadequacy 

I felt 

If only I could learn enough 

To free myself from obligation 

I could do what I wanted then

I wished for love 

But was used

And the relentless call to learn 

Did not end 

I lay here holding my own slender hand 

Alone

I miss you 

I'm sure I am a fool 

Eternally questioning 

My broken heart 

This Damn Year

Finally 

This damn year

Is coming to an end

The hours

I've poured into 

Work

And 

Worry 

For what!? 

A small reward 

They say 

Don't work too much 

You'll miss your life

And yet

When trapped 

By circumstance 

You do the best you can 

My health 

My life 

Has slipped away 

This year 

Fustercluck 

Cluster 

Fluck 

The end 

Of it

Is terrifying 

What comes next

Hang on

An hour

A reprieve 

An hour 

Where I thought 

 it stopped 

But no

My body says 

No

 Whatever you are doing 

Is wrong 

Fix it 

 I don't know how 

Another night 

Fitful sleep 

I think this is just 

 How it is 

I wake up 

 Sore

Tired

 Aching 

It never stops 

Never 

 No 

Never