Balm of Friendship

What say thee, that trouble is brewing, troubled hearts?

Care thee not for the sorrows lain to rest?

Sorrows fully felt and dealt by the hands of capriciousness.

A heart once that broke, can never fully mend

but through the healing balm of a faithful friend.

Walking Away From Pain

Honesty, the best policy

at odds with a desire to hide

to protect others

from our unvarnished opinions

which are an incomplete picture of reality

we can't really hide

though we all play a game

where the truth is unspoken

yet we both know what's wrong

what hurts

we've all been hurt

I can see the hurt and pain

I know what those defenses are

I believe in you though, cast off all of that self doubt

It's hard, I know

Just walk forward

If you destroy yourself, then you destroy a part of me

I believe in you

Still

My Daughter

Your eyes hold visions of happiness

A sanction of life that recalls me to vitality.

My hopes and dreams alight

when you smile, when you laugh.

You are blooming, I have bloomed

the cycle continues

I recall you as a child

You recall me to childhood

The future manifests itself through the past

and we both grasp for the present to begin anew.

Dreams

In my dreams I turn towards you 

sleeping there an arms length away

I want to curl up beside you

you're so tantalizingly close

So I crawl over obstacles

and I reach you

but you turn away

I'm left grasping 

the empty air.

Until

Most of the time, I'm fine, until

I remember greeting you at the airport, the tight hugs, the long kisses

I'm fine, until

I recall how perfectly my hand fit in yours, how we matched strides as we walked, how I fit in your arms

But I'm fine, until

I remember the way you walk into the room, enthusiasm and joy in each step

and the way you greet your dog

and peanut butter kisses in the morning

I'm fine though, really, until

Fleetwood Mac plays, or Eddie Rabbit, or any other song we listened to

I'm fine, I wrap myself up in my world, my home and family and I think of how wonderful Utah is

Until I think of hiking in the desert, up ravines, and finding flat rocks 

I'm fine, no really, it's OK 

Until I hook up Koru for a walk, and step out into the cold night and you are not on the phone to talk to

Then I go back to being fine, the world is a beautiful place, and there's so much here to love

Until

I realize again that you are gone, probably moving on, and I just have to find a way to be fine.

Something Real

The days passed by too quickly, 

it's hard to notice that when dancing on the edge of ecstasy. 

The heady scent of you filled me, 

as we danced around the room, 

me up on tippy toes. 

The look in your eyes sent shivers down my spine 

and I wanted you, 

every time that you were near. 

I wanted to crawl up onto you, 

to feel you fill me up. 

Heart, body and soul

That aching need that could never be satiated by any other man. 

Without you in my life,

my heart aches.

The Void

Somehow tears flow

a steady stream

from a deep well.

You were my rock,

I'm left with sand

trying to walk,

to live.

When I cannot see your face,

nor hear your voice,

Is this better?

You were going to come to me,

your laughter was going to fill my aching sadness

and now all is lost, there is this void to be filled

all because your bright sun 

no longer shines on me.

Ragdoll

Sometimes I feel like a rag doll

Made up of different pieces of dreams

Salvaged hopes

Broken bits of my heart

It looks cohesive on the outside

But on the inside

My stuffing gets a bit loose

The marbles roll around in my elbows

and I feel like part of me is missing

Maybe it's the result of all the patches

They're hiding the holes in my soul

Where people that I loved used to be

It's okay if I'm not a hundred percent

I am loved

Even though I sometimes feel flat

Pixel Parcels

I utter thoughts and feelings 

through a program

on the web

Symbology standing in 

for something that I feel inside

a fraction of emotion 

a parsec, in a parcel sent through to you

Fitting 

as emotions themselves come and go

as they usually do

It's hard to say what they truly are

Sometimes intense, sometimes dull

I miss the fullness of life

I'm miserable without the misery 

I once thought I knew

Silly

The people I love are dispersed

Faded, as a pixel on my screen

I know what should be there

but it isn't anymore

I want to fix it

but how?

Because I Love

I've lived so many lives

In each one, I invest my heart. 

A kiss for the one I love, free and unguarded, a sweet investment of my soul, all my hopes for them, their health and happiness a heartbeat that seeps from my being into the person I am holding. 

I invest so much, so quickly sometimes

At times I find myself reluctant to invest my heart, it doesn't feel right

and I cannot force it, but when it's real, I give it all.

Then something happens, I lose the thread of the love I'm expending and it is cut short. 

This causes trauma and bleeding, so why do I wrap my heart around the hurt and bleeding of others, trying to staunch the flow? 

How is it that I have found someone so, so right for me and yet I fear unobtainable? A foolish investment of my heart again and yet I allow it. Because I love.