Searching

When I think of all the years I've searched,

all the men I've met,

and all the heartbreak I've suffered.

I wonder why it's been so hard.

However much I tried,

There always seemed to be something I lacked,

Something I'm not 

and that I'll never be 

Which led me to doubt,

about who I am,

what I'm not,

and who I want to be.

I discarded pieces of myself,

and tore apart my personality 

Looking for the weaknesses.

I called myself pathetic,

boring,

and I thought 

no wonder I can't find the one.

I bought new things

threw my old stuff away 

Looking to buy my personality,

off a store shelf.

But I got tired of my new self

It's exhausting, 

trying to keep up a facade.

My old self crept back in 

I let her sneak past the store bought self,

and I wrapped her up in a fuzzy blanket.

We watched hobbits,

and ate popcorn, 

which made me smile. 

I made friends with myself again 

I'm never going to let her go.