Going on Without You

I've made this little home

I'm decorating it the way I like

My personality is starting to come through

but it is not a replacement for you.

I wish I could tell you the many things

that have gone through my head

I look back and question

if all the fun we had was a farce, whether I was anything to you at all.

I suppose I wasn't myself,

really

I was focused on the myopic world of lectures and study.

How is it that someone

could be the one

who can release all of my tension

Make me laugh like there was no sorrow in the world

Play around as though we were children,

Yet be so inaccessible

so unreachable

like a locked fortress

where secrets stir

and fester

boiling over at the most unexpected moments

burning