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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Ragdoll

Sometimes I feel like a rag doll
Made up of different pieces of dreams
Salvaged hopes
Broken bits of my heart

It looks cohesive on the outside

But on the inside

My stuffing gets a bit loose
The marbles roll around in my elbows
and I feel like part of me is missing

Maybe it's the result of all the patches
They're hiding the holes in my soul
Where people that I loved used to be

It's okay if I'm not a hundred percent
I am loved
Even though I sometimes feel flat

Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Pixel Parcels

I utter thoughts and feelings 
through a program
on the web

Symbology standing in 
for something that I feel inside
a fraction of emotion 
a parsec, in a parcel sent through to you

Fitting 
as emotions themselves come and go
as they usually do

It's hard to say what they truly are
Sometimes intense, sometimes dull

I miss the fullness of life
I'm miserable without the misery 
I once thought I knew

Silly

The people I love are dispersed
Faded, as a pixel on my screen

I know what should be there
but it isn't anymore

I want to fix it
but how?

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Because I Love

I've lived so many lives
In each one, I invest my heart. 
A kiss for the one I love, free and unguarded, a sweet investment of my soul, all my hopes for them, their health and happiness a heartbeat that seeps from my being into the person I am holding. 
I invest so much, so quickly sometimes
At times I find myself reluctant to invest my heart, it doesn't feel right
and I cannot force it, but when it's real, I give it all.
Then something happens, I lose the thread of the love I'm expending and it is cut short. 
This causes trauma and bleeding, so why do I wrap my heart around the hurt and bleeding of others, trying to staunch the flow? 
How is it that I have found someone so, so right for me and yet I fear unobtainable? A foolish investment of my heart again and yet I allow it. Because I love. 

Friday, December 30, 2022

Maybe

Maybe
A possibility exists, where there was a lack before 
Maybe
You understand my idiosyncrasies 
And Maybe 
I understand yours
Maybe 
You and I, will work 
and it'll be a sweet thing 
Maybe 
We won't and it'll be a bittersweet memory
My heart is fascinated by the possibilities 
My head is analyzing the data
The answers lie around the bend
Maybe 
Just maybe 
You're the one 

Sunday, December 25, 2022

Serendipity

Are there words to describe this feeling, this joy?
I can try to describe, 
the fluttering 
the silly giddyness that talking to you brings me. 
Smiling wide
I am alive
You brought the sun to me, 
in this winter 
The joy, light in darkness 
and I feel I've known you 
Always 
and rationality has no part
of this serendipity. 

Christmas Bells

Just thinking about how often Christmas Bells are mentioned in songs, such as the song "Jingle Bells," which recalls a time when transportation through the snow was by sled.

Christmas Bells

Christmas bells don't ring from sleigh bells, along the modern streets

rather they ring from door knobs or pine boughs 

or from beggars clanging a bell by store fronts 

or echo's of the past.

Christmas time is tradition

for some

but to others it is pain.

The night is holy,

the night is plain

the same, the same, the same

Sunday, October 24, 2021

Wise Woman

I need a wise woman in my life

someone to turn to when I stumble

I feel like I am failing

But

I can't be the one to fall 

there's a void 

a grasping for a voice of reason 

Which has left me standing, flailing 

falling 

all around me are grasping too 

each trying to uphold her place 

uphold her piece 

and we all stand stretching out our hands 

holding a piece 

a bit of the wisdom 

a bit of the whole 

a community of women 

all needing the wise one 

our little ones flail about in search of her 

seeking the steady beat of her heart 

and grasping, 

flailing they come up short 

and I am holding this little piece of experience 

I offer it up 

I cannot fall 

I must rise 

for I must and we must become the one we are seeking,

The wise one