We are all trying to reconnect with ourselves
to the essence of who we were
if we think back to our earliest awareness
we may feel a glimmer of who we were
innocent
full of wonder
curious
that pure little soul has been through a lot
I think that's why we're so funny about pictures
those taken of us when we're unaware can be unflattering
sometimes they show us a glimpse of our vulnerability, that is uncomfortable to confront
we take pictures of ourselves, posing, to share an acceptable version of ourselves
we glance into the mirror hoping to catch acceptance, love, in our own eyes
but sometimes it's not there
because our core self is hiding from the harshness of the world
and even though we share masked versions of ourselves through selfies
what we really hope is that people will accept us as we are
Early in the morning
as I toss and turn
I contemplate writing an essay on pain
my shoulders hurt
my back
was I clenching my jaw?
The dentist is sure I grind my teeth
he asks frequently
I don't want to take another round of medicine,
I take a hot bath instead
maybe the 20 min in the bathtub, in the dark
will help
Pain
Ol' buddy ol' pal
the reward for the long walks with my dog
if I pay now will I pay less later in life?
My heart betrays me
my dreams remind me
of my losses
why does allowing yourself to love, exact such a steep price?
Love seems to be part ecstasy
part pain
