What if?

Life is confusing, especially all that stuff about finding your purpose. I don't know if people really know what that means. A purpose implies that someone has planned something for you and that you're drifting around looking for it. But I don't think that's how it works.

We are driven by needs, love, safety, security, and basic biology. For me, there's always been a need to prove myself. That I'm worthy, that I'm worth it, that I am beautiful, loveable, likable, smart enough, good enough, yeah, just basically worth having around.

But it's not only been that I've wanted to prove to myself that I was worth it as well, that I could do all the things people said I couldn't and also all the things that I wanted to do. I've always wanted to learn more, do more, be more.

In reality, I think I've felt on a very basic level that we are all in a system that doesn't allow us to do what we'd like. We are trapped here and the more we want, the more we have to give to get it.

If I could, I'd somehow circumvent it all, pay off all my debt, and be free to do whatever I like with my time. Which would probably look like me reading, writing, creating and just being myself. But I'm trapped, along with most everyone else, and that's how it is.

I don't think life has a purpose, I think we make life what we want it to be by putting into it what we want to get out of it. If I could, I would create a fantasy land, where we all could live and create and just be happy. Wouldn't that be beautiful? The land of possibilities and creation. Just being with people who feel the same way and want to live the same way?