Listening For Your Words

Gently the air moves

a caress

I am standing by the river, and my soul

you feel it

My soul, is yours

Yet frustration, I cannot speak the words which escape as an imitation of the truth

and you cannot speak when you run away

footfalls on the pavement

where your frustrations meet the ground

empty

into pools of water

flowing towards the river

where I stand, listening for your words

Haunted

Because reality stung too much, I tried to escape

I tried to face it
I tried to run

but I ended up screaming that the miserable little problems created from neglect would leave me alone like I left

Left alone

and I tried to fight, I tried

but I slipped

On the path of redemption, on the path of pretension can I see clear enough to focus?

Can I?

When blind reason leaves me, when following the light and passion a fleeting dance in the night

Consumes me, caresses

entombs me, undresses

and I am left lying, solemn

crying on the floor

The sound of the whistle

a haunting sound

reminds me that I'm alive

I shiver

It is time to decide

I Cry For You

I am my fathers daughter

as I walk I see your pain

emptiness

Loneliness

Break my heart, I will cry for you

for I cannot touch that which is meant to be hidden

You nurture it slowly

the slow burning within

to purge it you must let it out

yet your tears are held in a jar

on a shelf

up high

and even when you desperately want to

you cannot cry

I am my fathers daughter

I can see your pain

and I cry for you

I cry

A Trickle

Upon the mountain top lay a pool of sparkling water

the rains came

thunder roared

life was torn asunder.

The water lay stagnant the pool muddied,

dark

until the tear

a tear

Let loose the dam,

let loose the broken debris of a life

let the waters flow

flow

Starting slow, slow, slow

building, churning

a clap of thunder reveals the turmoil

the lightning strikes!

and the trickle

the trickle builds

builds momentum

down the mountain, down

DOWN!

Into the valley, ever gaining, ever widening

filling an immense space

the space between two oceans

and two hearts

Faceless

I have written so few words to the one I love, for the one I love, for I have not loved like I might have

Alice chased the white rabbit, I chase the illusion of

Happiness, happiness, happiness

it exists, so I've been told, the bundle of mature emotion, immature impulsiveness, the words which are

spoken as the anthem of the living, the silence of the dead

How can I long for the world to reorder, to turn back the clock, to disappear into the endlessness of

selfishness the point of no return

and you just can't stay away, walk away

the river keeps flowing, divergent paths intertwining, folding, churning, caught in the current, drifting away as

the exits begin to fly away, away from the grasp of the desperate tips, the lips pursed in confusion

So says the mad hatter as they take him away

the beveling peckers are laughing, are laughing at nothing,

are laughing at fate

Feel nothing, know nothing

you monkeys, awake

MAD, mad

A pile of rubbish,

endless misogyny

fateless, trajectory

Still the point,

point out the crystal guide, shakily shift it in the sands

           Why, why did you treat me this way?

I thought that marriage meant happiness, forever, someone to be there

Did I leave or did I stay? Will you ever go away?

I thought, I had, I have

What is it?

You've got a moment, use it, before it slips away

yet the indecision, the indirection

haunt

slip past

slip fast

grasp

What is it that I must do...

Asks the young to the old

to make my life full, wonderful, to live?

Tumbling frailness, aching emptiness, a hollow void of direction echo from the chambers of the fading heart, beating frantically, snatching terribly at the last rays of the sun on the horizon. The ship is sailing away, taking along the fits of starts and stops which have lain broken on the shore.

The child

left

confused

As the stick tossed in the stream travels swiftly to the ocean, or moored along the bank, a fascinating demonstration of time passing. Can we freeze time to grasp hold of life again?

Childhood

slips

the wonder of it is

that we used to think that adults knew the answers

As I stand here watching it all, I wonder

can I plunge my hand into the stream of knowledge, and pull out a direction, the script of understanding?

or is it a fathomless void, from which no one can return?

Ending on a down beat

I don't want to end on a down beat

but then what endings are there that are up, really?

Endings of the day

Endings of a time

a place

Endings of a relationship

a life

What can I do to avoid ending on a down beat, really?

Up, up, UP

How much up can we stand? Is up all there is?